Jun 06
Jeanette Friedmaneducation, local stories/community, people
First came this question on the halacha discussion list I’ve belonged to for eons.
>Would anyone like to comment (based on personal experience) on the
>ever-increasing trend of boys getting married who do not have any plans
>for parnasa, and are told by their rebbeim that they should just have
>bitachon and everything will work out?
and then my response–amazingly, for the first time in months, a post was actually posted!!!!
From: FriedmanJ@aol.com
Date: Mon, 5 Jun 2006 07:04:04 EDT
Subject: Re: No Plans for Parnasa
When Hillel said go and study, he didn’t mean kvetch a benkel [sit on a bench in a Kollel--which is a "graduate school for Talmudic scholars] and become a welfare case. He meant quite the opposite. [Hillel responded to the Gentile who asked him to teach him the entire Torah as he stood on one leg--"Don't do anything to anyone you don't want them to do to you. Now go and study"]
No Plans for Paranassa sounds like a great name for R’ Shapiro’s new book, which excoriates going to work for a living.
In any event, one month after my first marriage, suddenly the person I was married to decided to quit working and sit and learn because his rosh yeshiva told him to. Having gotten pregnant on my wedding night, with no income to speak of, he decided I needed to go to work or sponge off my father, which he immediately proceeded to do (along with beating me…the beatings began during Sheva Brachot).
All I can say about this new trend of never going to work, and sitting and “learning” all day is that it has absolutely nothing to do with being a Torah Jew, it is the most misguided way of living anyone ever thought up, and I hope, I sincerely hope, that any American authorities who determine whether or not families get welfare money should 100% not grant those men a nickel.
As for the rabbis who demand that people not go to work, someone should straighten them out as well. We all know and have discussed the problems that this causes for men who aren’t “learners” and there have been enough suicides and people who have left Judaism altogether to prove it.
May 26
Jeanette Friedmaneducation, local stories/community
printed in the Jewish Press in Brooklyn
in the same issue one of the JP editors writes to his own letters column to exonerate Kolko, who has been ducking allegations accusing him of molesting boys for more 30 years. Reminder: It took almost 30 years to put Baruch Lanner away.
Education With Strings
By: L. Weisinger
Wednesday, May 24, 2006
At a recent gathering, my friends and I talked about a number of issues confronting our families. The crisis in yeshiva education – principally skyrocketing costs but several other serious problems as well – was a big topic.
We are, between us, parents of nineteen children, b’li ayin hara, having raised them in Brooklyn, the Five Towns, Rockland County, Manhattan and New Jersey. They went through the yeshiva system – girls’ and boys’ elementary, high school, post-high school. We’ve had both positive and negative experiences and are acutely aware of the challenges facing our yeshivos, especially in the area of finances.
Though some of us – through trial and error, moving to other communities, or paying a premium tuition – were fortunate to find yeshivos that successfully met a host of challenges, we know that many other parents have not been as lucky.
During our discussion we speculated as to just how different things would be for families of yeshiva students if finances were not an issue. What if money would suddenly become available, perhaps in the form of grants or vouchers? Would that solve all the problems? After much debate, we came to the realization that money alone is not the answer.
That’s not to say that an influx of money into our yeshivos is not desperately needed. Relieving the tuition burden on parents would offer a tremendous respite to families on tightly stretched budgets. Funds to pay for better qualified teachers, new technology, updated computer and communications systems, and improved facilities are sorely needed.
Thanks to recent efforts, especially in New York, at putting into place some sort of voucher system, there is hope on the horizon. But as great as the needs may be, it’s critical that careful scrutiny be applied to the methods and plans of distributing any funds that will become available.
Our main concern relates to accountability. Our greatest fear is that the subsidies and grants will be handed out to eager and often desperate institutions but that the money will not be used to its maximum benefit.
Who is holding the yeshivos accountable for what they do with the money? If government and private funds are going to be allocated to the schools, then someone needs to mind the store. The schools have been operating on their own for many years, and some have been doing an exemplary job under impossible conditions. There is, however, room for improvement and it is time that the monies allocated for our children’s education come with strings. Lots of strings.
Better Teachers
Qualifications: An eighteen-year-old girl straight out of seminary with no experience should not be entrusted by herself to mold the minds of a class of first graders. Nor should a man with s’micha, who is technically a rabbi but who has no formal training in education, and no knowledge of the developmental needs of children, be entrusted by himself to mold the minds of impressionable youngsters.
On the other end of the spectrum, teachers who’ve been in the classroom for 20 years should not automatically be tenured just because they’ve been doing it for so long. What if their methods are outdated? What if they still believe in corporal punishment of students? What if they never really were good teachers?
Schools need to clean house and make sure that all teachers are qualified by today’s standards in both Torah and limudei chachma. The educational, developmental and emotional needs of today’s children go far beyond what the traditional cheder of 50 years ago provided. School administrators need to make sure our educators are capable of educating all types of children according to their individual needs. Someone needs to hold them accountable before checks are handed out.
Background checks: We are all aware of the current controversies involving teachers with questionable backgrounds – controversies that often include allegations of verbal, physical, and sexual abuse.
Why are we exposing our children to teachers who have been accused but not investigated? What if allegations about an individual teacher happen to be true and our children are being abused under our very noses? Why isn’t someone stepping up and saying this is unacceptable? Why are parents who complain about a teacher’s abusive behavior to school authorities likely to be told, “If you don’t like it here, go to another yeshiva”?
Who is seeing to it that allegations are investigated rather than swept under the rug? Why are community members using anonymous public letters as a last resort to bring attention to the matter? Anonymous letters can get out of hand and hurt innocent people. If we had a central, objective committee to whom we could turn, these problems would be addressed without the need to resort to extreme measures.
Does anyone doubt that if a string of accountability were tied to school funding, things like this would no longer go on?
Teacher training and continuing education: Teachers should be required to attend workshops and ongoing training and education classes on a regular basis, whether through Torah U’Mesorah, CAJE, or other qualified organizations.
Just as learning evolves for children, so it does for adults. No matter how experienced a teacher may be, there’s always something new to learn. Seminars would include such topics as special needs, effective communication with parents, new ways of teaching math, Hebrew, etc., science updates, interactive instruction of Tanach, incorporation of art projects into a curriculum – the list is a long one.
There is much that is new and innovative in education, but all too many of our teachers are none the wiser, because once ensconced in their jobs and curricula assume an attitude of “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it. Well, that’s not good enough for our children.
Transparency of Finances
Where is the tuition money going? How much does each book cost, each salary, each piece of chalk? Who is making sure there is a fair and equitable distribution of funds? Stories abound of administrators with high lifestyles and questionable practices whose teachers are told there is no money for salaries. We’ve all heard of schools getting funds for new books while students continue to use torn 15-year-old books filled with outdated information.
A principal should not be in charge of a school’s finances – he is, after all, an employee. An objective board should be overseeing the finances in every school, and every penny should be accounted for. Because the potential for abuse is so enormous, handing out blank checks to schools is a clear case of lifnei iver.
Social Services
Social workers, therapists, nurses and other mental- and health-care professionals are no longer a luxury but a necessity. They need, however, to work for the children, not the school. Administrators who hire and supervise mental health professionals may not always be objective enough to have the best interests of the child in mind. Because of confidentiality and other sensitive issues, it would probably be best if such professionals were assigned from an independent authority, with supervisors who are qualified professionals rather than yeshiva administrators.
An ideal situation would be a board made up of frum professionals whose credentials are impeccable and universally recognized by the yeshiva community. Only these types of professionals can be entrusted with the secrets of the hearts of our children – their fears, their innermost feelings, their struggles in growing up. These professionals would not be afraid to advocate for the child over the needs of the yeshiva, nor would they be afraid to call for the dismissal of an abusive teacher or the removal of a child from an abusive home.
Today more than ever, with dangers lurking outside our doors and unfortunately sometimes inside our schools, our children need the support of these professionals and money spent in this direction is indeed well spent. But don’t forget the strings.
Special Needs
All children need special attention at various times, but special-needs children need even more of it. We must be able to guarantee a yeshiva education to every child, providing differentiated instruction, tutoring and therapies, with the goal of mainstreaming these children socially whenever possible instead of relegating them to disabled classes and schools.
Yes, this costs a whole lot of money, but if the funds become available, it’s imperative to remember those strings! Otherwise, good intentions could end up paying the heating bill – while little Chanie is deprived of the weekly resource-room tutoring she needs – because the money was mismanaged.
Independent Review Board
A regional and/or national board needs to be established to hold yeshivos accountable and serve as a resource for parents. Actually, we need this whether or not funds start pouring in. Parents need someone with no conflicts of interest to speak for them when the school’s response to a problem is unreasonable or unacceptable.
An objective committee would protect children and parents from destructive or abusive behavior on the part of yeshiva administrators, while also protecting teachers, yeshivos and the community at large from false allegations. Having these kinds of professionals to turn to in times of crisis would be a win-win situation for all concerned.
Call it a beis din, an advocacy board, an ombudsman, a mediator, whatever suits you. But please, someone, establish something. Ideally, we should not have to wait for money to attach these strings, but if that is what it takes, then take that opportunity before it passes. Parents are desperate for it and now is the time to do it.
Gedolei hador, Jewish leaders, therapists, educators, mental health professionals, social workers, doctors: We need you. If you are reading this, it is incumbent on you to seize the moment and show true leadership – to demonstrate that you care for the next generations of gedolim. The benefits will be exponential and provide you with the highest interest on your investments.
L. Weisinger is a mother of four and a registered nurse living in New Jersey.
Mar 30
Jeanette Friedmaneducation
By Jeanette Friedman | Published 03/30/2006
TEANECK – Funeral services were held on Sunday and Monday for 12 victims of last week’s bus crash in Chile. Robert Neil Rubin and Barbara Rubin, the parents of Larry Rubin of this township, were among them, and their funeral was held on Monday in Metuchen. (See page 60.)
The 12 victims, part of a 64-person B’nai B’rith group on a 14-day Celebrity Cruise Lines jaunt around South America, were returning to the ship after visiting Lauca National Park in Arica last Wednesday when their bus fell 300 feet down a mountainside. Two other American passengers, as well as the Chilean tour guide and driver, were injured.
Gaia Waisbrod of Tenafly helps clear away debris left by Hurricane Katrina. PHOTO courtesy of solomon schechter regional high school
Initial reports said the bus swerved to avoid an oncoming truck, but Chilean officials suggested last Thursday that the driver may have fallen asleep.
Ten of the passengers lived in the Ponds, a retirement community in Monroe Township, and the other two were from Stamford, Conn. They ranged in age from 63 to 76.
About a dozen family members of the victims went to Chile to identify the bodies. The bodies were sent home to the United States last Friday in a silent motorcade in Chile escorted by police, a Rabbi, and the relatives.
The victims from the Ponds were identified as Marvin Bier, 79; Shirley Bier, 76; Marian Diamond, 75; Maria Eggers, 71; Hans Eggers, 72; Carole Ruchelman, 63; Robert Rubin, 72; Barbara Rubin, 69; Frieda Kovar, 74; and Arthur Kovar, 67. Linda Greenfield, 63, and Ira Greenfield, 67, were from Stamford, Conn.
The two surviving Americans — Harold Ruchelman and Bernard Diamond, both 68 and from Monroe Township — were released from the hospital last Friday to accompany the bodies of their wives back to the United States.
Rabbi Leibel Miller of the Sacred Jewish Burial Society of Florida accompanied cruise line officials to Chile last Wednesday evening and assisted the victims and their families, said Lynn Martenstein, vice president for corporate communications of Celebrity Cruise Lines.
The Millennium ship captain and cruise director met that day with 50 other members of the B’nai B’rith group who had not gone on the fatal bus trip, then informed the rest of the ship’s passengers of the accident, Martenstein said. They met again with the group the following morning.
B’nai B’rith group members were given the option of returning to the United States, but all decided to continue to the next port in Lima, Peru. The cruise is scheduled to return to Fort Lauderdale, Fla., on Sunday.
The cruise line had a chartered plane standing by in Arica to return the victims to the United States and accommodate family members.
Numerous Jewish organizations, including B’nai B’rith International, the Jewish Agency for Israel, and the American Jewish Joint Distribution Committee, sent South American representatives to the scene to help the families and survivors.
“We are shocked, stunned, and saddened by this news,” said Joel Kaplan, president of B’nai B’rith International.
The B’nai B’rith members had booked the Lauca excursion separately, and the tour was not affiliated with the cruise line, Martenstein said. The tour was not licensed, according to Chilean officials.
“At this moment, all of us share the pain and anguish of this terrible event,” said Dan Hanrahan, president of Celebrity Cruises. “We are devastated.”
An administrator at the Ponds said the South American trip had been organized independently of the Ponds but was geared toward its residents.
“They were very well known, very well liked, and very active,” Eileen Marcus, community manager of The Ponds, said of the victims. “People are just in shock. It’s a very close-knit community and this is affecting all of them.”
Grief counselors from the local Jewish Family Services were at the Ponds last Thursday.
Several synagogues in New Jersey planned memorials for the victims. The Chabad Jewish Center in Monroe held a memorial service last Thursday evening.
“What can you say?,” Rabbi Eliezer Zaklikovsky said. “There are no words for a day like today.”
JTA
The Jewish Standard contributed to this report.
Nov 13
Jeanette Friedmaneducation, local stories/community
By Jeanette Friedman | Published 11/13/2005
As recently returned Iraqi war veteran Lt. Col. David Youngberg discovered, there are some differences between Vietnam and Iraq. People have learned not to blame the troops who lay their lives on the line for their country, and unlike Vietnam, even some who vehemently oppose the Iraq war have offered them moral support.
Youngberg was about 11 when he saw images of the bloody, violent Vietnam War on television. “I was about the same age as the kids who wrote me letters and sent me packages filled with candy and DVDs while I was stationed in Baghdad,” he told The Standard last Sunday.
The kids he’s referring to are fifth- and sixth-grade Hebrew school students at the Barnert Temple Religious School in Franklin Lakes, and the letters and packages are those they sent to him during his tour of duty.
He’d come to Franklin Lakes with his wife, Carrie, and daughter, Sarah, 2, to meet the children, who were restless with anticipation to meet a “real hero.”
Barnert teacher Jesse Losch and the school’s secretary, Beth Greenwood — whose nephew is in Iraq — decided to have the students adopt soldiers and offer them moral support as they fought a war most Americans are ignoring. The women wanted to do a mitzvah, to do a little tikkun olam, and to let soldiers know that while they did the scary things they had to do to make the world a safer place, someone cared and was thinking about them.
The school has adopted three soldiers in Iraq, three soldiers in Israel, and a soldier in Afghanistan. They send Wet Ones, bottled water, DVDs, birthday boxes, and lots of candy and toys to their soldiers, along with letters filled with the mundane details of their lives and questions about what life is like under combat.
One of the class’s adoptees in Iraq was recently injured in a car bomb, and three of his best friends were killed. He was a scuba sniper and had to go in and bring out his friends’ bodies. He is, as Losch tells her students, “in really bad shape. We have to give him a reason to care about life.” The children have been focusing their most recent letters on encouraging him and trying to make him smile.
Before Youngberg arrived, one of his pen pals, Ethan, 11, said he was struck by the similarities between the way the people were fighting the Americans in Iraq and the way the terrorists were attacking Israelis. Steven, 10, said it was strange to write to someone in a war, because they were so far away and their lives were so different from what they used to be.
Brian and James, both 12, were really looking forward to meeting Youngberg, who they described as their hero. “We sent out a set of boots to one soldier, because when a car bomb went off, he was hit with shards of glass covered in rat poison. Some soldiers get gangrene from their wounds, and some didn’t even have first-aid kits.”
Both boys said that what impressed them the most was that no matter what happened to him, Youngberg was always ready to pick himself up and get back to doing what he had to do, because compared to what was happening to the soldiers around him, he was lucky.
As they talked about Youngberg, the main door to the building opened and they raced to see if Youngberg had arrived.
A big man wearing a knapsack walked through the door with a woman and a baby. “That looks like it could be him, but his voice doesn’t sound as deep as I thought it would,” said James.
“Yeah, I think it’s really him. He’s wearing a knapsack. It has to be him,” said Brian, “Now I can finally meet him.”
Youngberg, 42, is a West Point graduate, class of 1985. Born near Buffalo, he was on active duty for 13 years and transferred to the Reserves in 1998. He saw action during the Gulf War, so this was not his first time in the Middle East. In civilian life, he and his family live in Manhattan, where he is in risk management at a financial corporation. In Baghdad, he was in the unit that trained the new Iraqi police and military forces, and basically worked in an office. His scariest moment was the night before the elections, when a shell fell through the embassy roof. “But nothing much happened, and everything turned out OK,” he told the students.
He also thanked the students for the gifts they sent — from the Build a Bear in fatigues and dog tags, to the giant photo of the students that he kept behind his desk, to the year’s supply of Blo-pops, his favorite candy. In return, he presented them with dog tags bearing American flags, and gave Jesse Losch a prayer rug woven with the American and Iraqi flags, the map of Iraq, and the Phoenix to hang in her classroom, next to the election poster he’d sent to the students earlier in the year.
“I’ve witnessed the elections in Iraq, and I’ve been watching the elections in New Jersey, and I’ve got to tell you the elections in Iraq were more civilized,” he quipped to students and parents who later gathered in the sanctuary to meet him and give him a round of applause.
Then Youngberg presented Losch and Greenwald with special battalion coins from his Reserve Unit in Lodi. He explained that “outsiders” are never given these coins, which are very special souvenirs, and then awarded them with certificates of appreciation, as well as the prayer rug. He also said it was wonderful that all 20 men in his unit came back and were adjusting well to civilian life.
As Youngberg spoke to the students and others over the course of the morning, he described how his men adopted an orphanage and school and would try to help civilians. Eighty percent of the people there appreciated the American presence, but the violence was costing us dearly, he said.
What Youngberg found most interesting about the children’s letters, which he would read and answer over the course of each week, were their descriptions of home life and how they spent the holidays. “When you are away from home, when you hear about how others are celebrating, it brings back memories of your own youth, and it really does make you feel better,” he said. “I would write to the kids and let them know that they don’t have to worry about not having anything to say. ‘A soldier finds interesting even what you find boring, because that’s what they miss most about being home.’”
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